In Part 3 of this series, we looked at how to drop your strive for perfection.
Here is the third in a set of 4 steps you can explore to progress your journey to discover your true self and ultimately to become invincible.
Step #3: Drop the People-Pleasing
So many people live their lives based on putting the needs of others above their own. Just like perfectionism, this stems from the belief pattern ‘I’m not good enough’ and a need to constantly prove that this is not true. This also grows from a deep sense of shame, something that is also a very common component in being human and a topic for more discussion another time.
In order to stop people-pleasing, look at the motives behind your actions and things you say. Are they in agreement with you and your own wants and needs, or are you always putting your needs last? If that is the case, you may find yourself feeling angry and not knowing why a lot of the time. This is because you’re constantly over-ruling your own needs – that’s enough to make anyone feel angry or upset!
If you are a person that’s always over-promising and running yourself ragged because you say ‘Yes’ when you really want to say ‘No’, examine why you’re behaving that way. Has an experience in your past made you feel guilt or shame? These are the drivers for this type of behaviour.
If someone asks something of you, before agreeing to it, take time to ask yourself these three questions:
- Do I want to do what they ask?
- Am I able to do what they ask?
- Do I have the capacity in my life right now to do it?
If the answer to any of these is ‘No’, then the answer from you should be ‘No’.
It may feel very uncomfortable at first, but say it with love and compassion in your heart and a big smile on your face. Don’t feel you have to justify yourself, all you need to say is ‘No, unfortunately I’m not able to do that at the moment’.
The people that hold respect for you will totally understand. The people that have been taking advantage of you will eventually realise the game is up and move onto some other person wracked with inner shame to do their bidding. Congratulations – you’re finally being your true self! Doesn’t it feel just a tiny bit liberating…?
Read Part 5 now, the final article in this series highlighting Step #4 in your journey to authenticity. Also, to find out more about people-pleasing and what to do about it, read our article ‘7 Signs You’re A People-Pleaser And What To Do About It’.
To learn more about the power of vulnerability, read Brené Brown’s ‘Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead’, click here.